Don'ts for wives

My friend is getting married soon and we were reading this funny book from 1913 called "don'ts for wives". It shows you have much we have moved on, some of it was just hilarious. We are both feminists, and I love reading some of the suffragette material from the 19th century. It's amazing to think how powerless women were and the people involved are inspirational to me. I found this quote from a campaigner at the time:

"A high standard of education among women affects their position with regard to marriage. It makes them undoubtedly more independent of marriage, and at the same time raises their standard of marriage. It makes them unwilling to marry men distinctly inferior to them in education or understanding it also I quite believe, makes them less attractive in the eyes of such men….A student of a ladies college, summing up the general results of her education said to me ‘ I don’t exactly see why learning Greek should make one feel it impossible to marry a man one did not respect; but it seems to amount to about that’ I thought for my part that this whimsical testimony was the highest possible tribute to her collegiate training."

Education is still the solution to many problems of freedom. It improves your chances of a career, of independence and not having to rely on a man as the breadwinner. To balance things out, here are some "tips for husbands, written by the author of "don'ts for wives", Blanche Ebbutt:

Tips for husbands

Don't be surprised, or annoyed, or disappointed, to find, after treating your wife for years as a featherbrain, that you have made her one, and that she fails to rise to the occasion when you need her help

Don't give up cricket, or football ... or whatever outdoor sport you have been accustomed to just because you are married. Athletics will keep you from becoming flabby.


Don't argue that a new hat isn't necessary because there is nothing visibly wrong with the one she is wearing. You probably have forgotten that this is its third season, but she hasn't

Don’t sulk when things go wrong. If you can’t help being vexed, say so, and get it over.

Don’t say she needn’t stay up for you. You know she can’t sleep until you are safe at home.

Don’t hesitate to mention when you think your wife looks especially nice. Your thinking so can give her no pleasure unless you tell your thought.

Don’t forget to trust your wife in everything – in money matters; in her relations with other men . . . Trust her to the utmost and you will rarely find your trust misplaced.

Don’t call your wife a coward because she is afraid of a spider. Probably in real danger she would be quite as brave as you.